Saving your Marriage with Roses and Belgian Chocolate

How is your marriage? Do you wish you had a better marriage? Do you feel like your spouse is a different person than the fun, loving, person you originally married? Do you feel like they don’t understand you? Do you no longer understand them? Do you feel like ripping your hair out? their heresjonnyehair? Do you feel crazy like Jack Nicholson on The Shining? Has the screaming been waking up your neighbors? Does the crying keep you awake?

Sometimes I want to bash my head against the wall–why? Because marriage is difficult. I am not perfect. I am far from it, and my wife can attest to this fact. My wife and I had an argument today. The argument was about something which no one else would comprehend, as with all married couple argumentation. Arguments happen. Arguments suck. Two messed up people living together is bound to get messy. Why? Miscommunication and impatience. Speaking when we ought to be silent, and remaining silent when we ought to speak. How do we reconcile after an argument? How do we move forward? For some, the answer is make-up sex. For us, the answer is commitment.

Commitment: com (together) + mittere (to send) + ment (resulting action). Commitment is the resulting action of being sent together, the resulting action of committing to something together. What binds together those who are committed, rather, what mediates between those who are committed? I would be remiss if I were to avoid speaking about what, rather, who, mediates between my wife and I. Dietrich Bonhoeffer says it best,

Christ has become the mediator who has made peace with God and peace among human beings. Without Christ we would not know God; we could neither call on God nor come to God. Moreover, without Christ we would not know other Christians around us; nor could we approach them. The way to them is blocked by one’s own ego. Christ opened up the way to God and to one another. Now Christians can live with each other in peace; they can love and serve one another; they can become one. But they can continue to do so only through Jesus Christ. Only in Jesus Christ are we one; only though him are we bound together. He remains the one and only mediator throughout eternity.

I often forget that Jesus is the mediator and I let my own ego control my relationships. The only way I can truly know my wife is by knowing her as my sister in the Lord, and I can only know her in this capacity because in Christ we are one. Together, my wife and I are committed to living in this world as believers in Christ. These are not idle words, we truly believe that we must be fully immersed in this world and committed to it. “The cross of reconciliation…sets us free to live in genuine worldiness.” (Bonhoeffer)

My wife having fun with bicycles

Our commitment to each other is mediated by Christ and displays itself in a genuine love for the world. This means that we ought to enjoy one another and all the goodness which is found in this world. Movies, popcorn, bicycling, travelling, laughing, music, beer, Irish whiskey, a good cigar, steak and potatoes, running, photography, sunsets, sushi, sunrises, Belgian chocolate, flowers, and the list could go on. God made this world and he wants us to enjoy it. My marriage fails when I forget to enjoy the world with my wife.

I think it is time for me to go buy some Belgian chocolates and roses for my wife….yes, I just gave a theological foundation for buying my wife roses and chocolate! I think this is a theological argument most women will appreciate–you can share this post if you agree :)flowerandchoco